maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
