Your dad touched me again.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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