yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
