I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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