I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
