That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize