I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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