We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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