is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
