I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The ass gains better be worth it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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