i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
