everyone is single if you try hard enough
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
