ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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