Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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