Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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