I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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