I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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