you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
