I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
