party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
