I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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