last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
