I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
