are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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