and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
