I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
