I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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