I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
