I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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