They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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