I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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