i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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