All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
