He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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