is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize