I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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