laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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