Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize