i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
