I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
