"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
