Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
