I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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