I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
