Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
