Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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