drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
