you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He better not be in your backpack
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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