Betty ford says i'm here all night
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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