he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
