Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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