she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
