new low.... made out with someone while peeing
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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