I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
