i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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