Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
