the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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