i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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