I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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