I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
