It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
