Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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