I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
