KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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