I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
