Ambien. No doubt about it.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize