Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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