Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
