Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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