I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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