Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
