i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
