question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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