they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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