man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
