You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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