He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
How does one acquire holy water?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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