Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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