I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
