Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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