They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
