alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
