She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
