i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
