I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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