y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
