You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
