there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
This toilet bowl is my home.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
