I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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