me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
