You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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