1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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