I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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