oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
