His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
