ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
