I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
