Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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