my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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