His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
