Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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