Sry I called you an 8
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize