i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
