Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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