Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
