Christians are straight up FREAKS
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
this is an emotional support booty call
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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