oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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