glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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