I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
