just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
