just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
